According to reliable sources, the following congratulation messages have been received by interim President Mihai Ghimpu on the occasion of Moldova's independence day:
Vladimir Putin: Please accept the best wishes of the Russian people on this significant day. As you know, Russia has always respected the independence and territorial integrity of the Republic of Moldova and I have ordered the 14th Army into Colonita to help you celebrate.
Dmitry Medvedev: I congratulate you on your independence and wish to offer you a gift. As a fellow liberal and a believer in free markets, I have asked Onisenko to let in a couple of barrels of wine and a truckload of your veges.
Victor Ianukovich: Happy independence day. I have a changing shed at Zatoka that I would be willing to swap for the village of Palanca and the northern part of Transnistria. Do we have a deal?
Traian Basescu: I congratulate you and the Moldovan people on achieving independence from the wicked and evil Soviet Union and from Messrs Molotov and Ribbentrop. What say we have lunch at the Golden Blitz and sign a quick act of reunification?
Barack Obama: I wish all the people of Moldova a very happy independence day. If you don't have a budget for fireworks I'll get Traian to fire off some missiles. By the way, could you give me some tips on healthcare and stopping banks from going bust?
David Cameron: The British people are with you on this auspicious day. Please be reassured that we will do everything we can to halt global warming and stop your island nation sinking beneath the waves of the Indian Ocean.
Nicholas Sarkozy: On the occasion of your independence, and as a token of the deep and affectionate relationship between our two Francophone nations, please accept this gift of a planeload of Rroma.
Marcus Stephen (President of Nauru): So it's your independence day, ey? Send us $50m and we'll be glad to recognise you. Credit it to our account at Vneshtorgbank.
Igor Smirnov: Dear Mihai, happy independence day! It would be good to see you at our festivities on the 2nd of September. A group of dignitaries from Russia will be visiting and they would love to meet you.
Kalman Miszei: Really? Moldova independent? Well I never! Has anyone told Vlad and Dimitry? I'm sure they won't be impressed...
Mahmoud Ahmedinejad: Happy whatever-it-is day. Can I have my uranium back please?
Kim Jong Il: Felicitations from the glorious people of the Democratic (giggle) Peoples' Republic of Korea. I'm looking for a suitably demagogic successor and was wondering what Marc Tkaciuc is up to these days?
Mihail Saakasvili: Ain't we walking down the same street together on the same day? Why don't we get together and call ourselves an institute?
Angela Merkel (in my dreams): Ich bin ein Chisinauer.