Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Humanist Party's Manifesto

Following on from the declaration of Valeriu Pasat, Leader of the Humanist Party, that Moldova should re-orient towards the East (i.e. Russia), I thought I owed it to my readers to research his argumentation.  Hot of the press, here is an excerpt from the Humanist Party's manifesto:


"10 reasons why Moldova should orient itself towards Russia:

  1. In Russia the war against corruption is over.  Bribe-taking, nepotism and kick-backs are so seamlessly integrated into Russian economic structures that one hardly even notices they are there.  Moldova could benefit from Russia's expertise in this area.
  2. By orienting its trade exclusively towards Russia, Moldova will benefit from the stringent product standards enforced by Russian sanitary authorities.  Periodic interruptions to exports of wine, vegetables etc. will make Moldovan export businesses more robust (well, the ones that survive at least).
  3. Political union with Russia would see an automatic resolution of the Transnistrian conflict, as both Transnistria and Moldova will become Russian provinces and there will be free movement and trade between the two at the discretion of Igor Smirnov.
  4. Cheap vodka
  5. Russian will become the national language, making life far easier for the small percentage of the population that has spent the last twenty years refusing to learn the more primitive Moldovan spoken by peasants in their villages.  The Moldovan language will of course be preserved and promoted, being wheeled out once a year on 31st August, together with those cute costumes and dances.
  6. Cheap gas
  7. Moldovans will no longer be dragged out to elections and referendums every other day, as the Russian system of 'managed democracy' will be introduced here as well.  Citizens will be relieved of the burden of forming opinions, as this function will be undertaken by central government with the support of the media.
  8. Law and order will be upheld by army regiments recently withdrawn from Chechnya and who are well-known for their sensitive policing..
  9. Instead of the billions of Euros of western grants and loans that has already begun to flow, Moldova will instead benefit from the vague financial promises made by the Russians.  As with point (2), this will make Moldovan businesses tougher and more resilient.
  10. If you vote for us we will reintegrate Moldova into Patriarch Kyrill's Holy Russia.  Then we can all try to figure out together in what sense Russia is holy, and how a bunch of Latins ended up in a Slavic church.
  11. Did I mention the cheap vodka?

2 comments:

  1. Is this for REAL??? ANYONE who would follow OR even LISTEN to this IDIOT are insane and would deserve what they would inherit!!!

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  2. No, it's not for real. I made it up.

    The problem is, the only real argument they have come up with so far is that 'Moldova isn't going to join the European Union for 20-25 years'. This argument is fallacious in two ways: (1) I think there is a good chance that Moldova could join the EU within 10 years if it plays its cards right, and (2) it is the process of adhesion that brings the most benefits to a country, as its laws and practices are conformed to EU standards and as the EU invests in building its capacity.

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